In April of 2011, in my freshman year of college, I was diagnosed with TMJD, or Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction in the jaw. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't believe it at first. I have heard horror stories about people who got TMJD and had to quit their instrument. I was extremely upset. It was hard for me to imagine a life without playing because it was my passion and my desire since I was 10. The pain was so severe that I could not play a single note on the horn without crying in pain. My doctors have told me to quit because my jaw bone was already deteriorating. My jaw bone is now completely flat, when it is supposed to be completely round.
I've been on quite the journey. I think about how my sophomore year I did not play on every large ensemble concert, and even if I did, I only played on one piece that was not as challenging as the other pieces. I remember the times I had a doctor's note for the conductor to know that I needed to be excused from playing in rehearsal for 30 minutes because I could not handle playing through an entire hour and 45 minute rehearsal. I remember when I would take auditions, and wouldn't get a part because my jaw hurt so much while I played the audition, and couldn't finish well. I remember having to find subs for rehearsals because my jaw hurt too much. I remember having to cancel lessons because I was not prepared, due to my jaw pain and not having the strength to practice for that week.
Two years have passed, and something amazing is happening. I do not know what is in God's plan, but I know that He has used my TMJD to bring Him glory. I've reflected on these times in earlier posts, but, I have a new and exciting one today.
With God's almighty love and strength, I'm conquering my TMJD. Through Him, my jaw isn't bothering me nearly as much as it has in the past. I am now able to play through an entire large ensemble rehearsal without any breaks. I can now perform a 45 minute recital without my jaw being in excruciating pain. I can now play in the low register with ease, whereas before it was a struggle because I could not extend my jaw for a long period of time.
God has been faithful to me, and I know He will continue to be. Just as Paul says, I will boast of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me, and His glory will be revealed.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me strength when I have none.
2 Corinthians 12: 9- 10
But he (Jesus) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
