In April of 2011, in my freshman year of college, I was diagnosed with TMJD, or Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction in the jaw. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't believe it at first. I have heard horror stories about people who got TMJD and had to quit their instrument. I was extremely upset. It was hard for me to imagine a life without playing because it was my passion and my desire since I was 10. The pain was so severe that I could not play a single note on the horn without crying in pain. My doctors have told me to quit because my jaw bone was already deteriorating. My jaw bone is now completely flat, when it is supposed to be completely round.
I've been on quite the journey. I think about how my sophomore year I did not play on every large ensemble concert, and even if I did, I only played on one piece that was not as challenging as the other pieces. I remember the times I had a doctor's note for the conductor to know that I needed to be excused from playing in rehearsal for 30 minutes because I could not handle playing through an entire hour and 45 minute rehearsal. I remember when I would take auditions, and wouldn't get a part because my jaw hurt so much while I played the audition, and couldn't finish well. I remember having to find subs for rehearsals because my jaw hurt too much. I remember having to cancel lessons because I was not prepared, due to my jaw pain and not having the strength to practice for that week.
Two years have passed, and something amazing is happening. I do not know what is in God's plan, but I know that He has used my TMJD to bring Him glory. I've reflected on these times in earlier posts, but, I have a new and exciting one today.
With God's almighty love and strength, I'm conquering my TMJD. Through Him, my jaw isn't bothering me nearly as much as it has in the past. I am now able to play through an entire large ensemble rehearsal without any breaks. I can now perform a 45 minute recital without my jaw being in excruciating pain. I can now play in the low register with ease, whereas before it was a struggle because I could not extend my jaw for a long period of time.
God has been faithful to me, and I know He will continue to be. Just as Paul says, I will boast of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me, and His glory will be revealed.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me strength when I have none.
2 Corinthians 12: 9- 10
But he (Jesus) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
God Provides When We Need It Most
Hello, readers! I want to thank you all for continuing to read my blog posts, although I haven't been updating regularly. It is encouraging to me that people are reading my posts about how God has worked positively in my life. I pray that these stories continue to show you how wonderful God is and how much we truly need Him.
For the past 4 months, God has been providing in many mysterious ways. I want to share some of them with you.
Ever since I've started living on my own in May, I have realized how truly difficult it is to provide for oneself. Having to pay for food, gas, rent, and other misc. things really adds up. What has been the most stressful for me is that I do not make enough to pay for everything that I need. There have been times when rent is due in one week, and I did not have the money for it. But, God knew.
Jesus said "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." John 6:35
I was on my honeymoon with Sterling. We were staying at a bed and breakfast, and shared a meal with strangers who were also there. After talking to a woman for about 30 minutes, we walked back up to our room to pack and head home. Soon enough, we heard a knock on our door. The woman came to our door, and said she felt lead to give us money. What the woman didn't know was that Sterling and I did not have enough money for food for that week.
Sterling has been searching for a job for months and months. Time after time Sterling did not advance to further the interview process. Our money was pretty close to none, then all of a sudden, Sterling's schedule became packed. He has many big projects coming up which will help he and his friend to establish their duo together. Not only that, Sterling recently got hired for a day job.
If you are in a situation where you have nothing left, God knows. That is why God sent His Son Jesus to earth, so that we can go to Him. As long as we believe, Jesus promises to never let us go hungry or thirsty.
For the past 4 months, God has been providing in many mysterious ways. I want to share some of them with you.
Ever since I've started living on my own in May, I have realized how truly difficult it is to provide for oneself. Having to pay for food, gas, rent, and other misc. things really adds up. What has been the most stressful for me is that I do not make enough to pay for everything that I need. There have been times when rent is due in one week, and I did not have the money for it. But, God knew.
Jesus said "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." John 6:35
I was on my honeymoon with Sterling. We were staying at a bed and breakfast, and shared a meal with strangers who were also there. After talking to a woman for about 30 minutes, we walked back up to our room to pack and head home. Soon enough, we heard a knock on our door. The woman came to our door, and said she felt lead to give us money. What the woman didn't know was that Sterling and I did not have enough money for food for that week.
Sterling has been searching for a job for months and months. Time after time Sterling did not advance to further the interview process. Our money was pretty close to none, then all of a sudden, Sterling's schedule became packed. He has many big projects coming up which will help he and his friend to establish their duo together. Not only that, Sterling recently got hired for a day job.
If you are in a situation where you have nothing left, God knows. That is why God sent His Son Jesus to earth, so that we can go to Him. As long as we believe, Jesus promises to never let us go hungry or thirsty.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Be Satisfied
For the past couple of months, I've been struggling with what I put my worth into. A few months ago, I would say that I put my worth into horn playing. And when I wasn't playing well, I would always blame something other than myself. I was striving to a goal that was unobtainable because I have TMJD, and I can only play and do so much on the horn.
I was preparing for a 20 minute jury. Times prior to then, I was receiving a lot of praise, especially from my large ensemble conductors. I felt confident because I was basically told that I was going to get my Performer's Certificate (PC) before I even received it. Going into my jury, I had the mindset that I already had my PC. I was cocky, and even a little arrogant. Although I did not make that so public, it was in my heart.
My performance went horribly. I've never felt so awful and embarrassed in my life in a performance before. I made mistakes that I usually do not make, and all the things I have worked on all year were not present in my performance. All I did was cry and think about how bad my performance went. It has been hard for me to recover from such an event. But then I stumbled upon this bible verse.
2 Corinthians 6: 3-11
"We put no stumbling block on anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report, genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
As a servant of God, I must always be satisfied in Him. Although right now it may seem like I have nothing, I have everything because Jesus Christ is my Savior in heaven, and he chose me to be a part of His kingdom. Why shouldn't I rejoice in that?! My Lord always provides and gives me what I need at the right time. I have realized that no matter the circumstances, no matter how well or how horribly I play horn, my worth is in Christ. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He is my all. And today, I chose to rejoice in the Lord because He is almighty, powerful, and He is Love.
I praise God for not getting my PC because I would have never realized how important He is, how important it is to keep my faith, and to be satisfied in only Him.
I was preparing for a 20 minute jury. Times prior to then, I was receiving a lot of praise, especially from my large ensemble conductors. I felt confident because I was basically told that I was going to get my Performer's Certificate (PC) before I even received it. Going into my jury, I had the mindset that I already had my PC. I was cocky, and even a little arrogant. Although I did not make that so public, it was in my heart.
My performance went horribly. I've never felt so awful and embarrassed in my life in a performance before. I made mistakes that I usually do not make, and all the things I have worked on all year were not present in my performance. All I did was cry and think about how bad my performance went. It has been hard for me to recover from such an event. But then I stumbled upon this bible verse.
2 Corinthians 6: 3-11
"We put no stumbling block on anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report, genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
As a servant of God, I must always be satisfied in Him. Although right now it may seem like I have nothing, I have everything because Jesus Christ is my Savior in heaven, and he chose me to be a part of His kingdom. Why shouldn't I rejoice in that?! My Lord always provides and gives me what I need at the right time. I have realized that no matter the circumstances, no matter how well or how horribly I play horn, my worth is in Christ. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He is my all. And today, I chose to rejoice in the Lord because He is almighty, powerful, and He is Love.
I praise God for not getting my PC because I would have never realized how important He is, how important it is to keep my faith, and to be satisfied in only Him.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
God's Plan isn't Our Plan
Today I'm going to share a prayer request that was answered a long time ago. I hope that it blesses you and you can see how amazing our God truly is.
I was a second semester sophomore. At that time I was very prideful and considered myself a "good Christian." I guess I did not completely understand the grace of God. Whenever I saw a Christian sin, I thought it was the end of the world. My thought process was completely contrary to what I should have been thinking.
God was slowly changing my heart towards my fellow brothers in Christ. There was this one guy who really got on my nerves. He would say a few things that I did not like. I thought he was very immature and I wanted nothing to do with him. But, I noticed that he always wanted to talk to me for some reason. Time after time I blew him off because I thought he was a "bad Christian." I have come to realize that there is no such thing as a good or bad Christian. We are all sinners and deserve God's wrath. But through the cross, our sins are forgiven when we look to Jesus.
Eventually, instead of gossiping about this guy or ignoring him when he wanted to talk, I began to pray for him. This was very hard for me because I did not like him much. He bugged me and said a few hurtful things. But, I prayed for him anyway. I prayed that God would build him up to be a godly leader because he was definitely a leader in the community, and in the Christian body here at Eastman. I prayed that God would rid of anything that was hindering him from pursuing Jesus. I ultimately prayed for his growth and understanding of God's Word and how to live it.
What I did not know was that God's plan was different than what I expected.
Last summer, I was given the opportunity to spend more time with this person. He and I actually worked together for the summer session at Eastman. Basically, he was my supervisor. I had to go to him about every problem and receive advice from him about my job as a Resident Advisor.
I saw a huge change in this person. He was more than my co-worker. The nights I could not sleep because I was mourning the loss of my grandfather, he stayed up with me. He even traveled with me at 6am to the funeral in Cleveland. The times I was crying in his apartment because my students were disrespectful to me, he was there. The times I was struggling with my faith, he was there. Time and time again this man shared the gospel with me. He reminded me of God's love, and how Jesus paid the price when He died for our sins on the cross. He said that as long as we look to the cross, we have nothing to doubt or fear. He was so kind, and not the man I thought I knew. God truly built him up to be a godly person, and he soon became a close friend.
This man is now my fiance. I am so thankful that God gave me the challenge to pray for him even though I did not want to. I am so glad that God urged me to rethink my faith, and apply it to what I think about my fellow brothers in Christ. When I prayed to God, he heard my prayer and continued to help Sterling grow in his faith. Not only that, but God was preparing Sterling to be my husband. I feel so blessed, and I can only thank God for helping me to overcome my fears and selfishness. All the glory goes to Him! Praise God for His power and wisdom.
I was a second semester sophomore. At that time I was very prideful and considered myself a "good Christian." I guess I did not completely understand the grace of God. Whenever I saw a Christian sin, I thought it was the end of the world. My thought process was completely contrary to what I should have been thinking.
God was slowly changing my heart towards my fellow brothers in Christ. There was this one guy who really got on my nerves. He would say a few things that I did not like. I thought he was very immature and I wanted nothing to do with him. But, I noticed that he always wanted to talk to me for some reason. Time after time I blew him off because I thought he was a "bad Christian." I have come to realize that there is no such thing as a good or bad Christian. We are all sinners and deserve God's wrath. But through the cross, our sins are forgiven when we look to Jesus.
Eventually, instead of gossiping about this guy or ignoring him when he wanted to talk, I began to pray for him. This was very hard for me because I did not like him much. He bugged me and said a few hurtful things. But, I prayed for him anyway. I prayed that God would build him up to be a godly leader because he was definitely a leader in the community, and in the Christian body here at Eastman. I prayed that God would rid of anything that was hindering him from pursuing Jesus. I ultimately prayed for his growth and understanding of God's Word and how to live it.
What I did not know was that God's plan was different than what I expected.
Last summer, I was given the opportunity to spend more time with this person. He and I actually worked together for the summer session at Eastman. Basically, he was my supervisor. I had to go to him about every problem and receive advice from him about my job as a Resident Advisor.
I saw a huge change in this person. He was more than my co-worker. The nights I could not sleep because I was mourning the loss of my grandfather, he stayed up with me. He even traveled with me at 6am to the funeral in Cleveland. The times I was crying in his apartment because my students were disrespectful to me, he was there. The times I was struggling with my faith, he was there. Time and time again this man shared the gospel with me. He reminded me of God's love, and how Jesus paid the price when He died for our sins on the cross. He said that as long as we look to the cross, we have nothing to doubt or fear. He was so kind, and not the man I thought I knew. God truly built him up to be a godly person, and he soon became a close friend.
This man is now my fiance. I am so thankful that God gave me the challenge to pray for him even though I did not want to. I am so glad that God urged me to rethink my faith, and apply it to what I think about my fellow brothers in Christ. When I prayed to God, he heard my prayer and continued to help Sterling grow in his faith. Not only that, but God was preparing Sterling to be my husband. I feel so blessed, and I can only thank God for helping me to overcome my fears and selfishness. All the glory goes to Him! Praise God for His power and wisdom.
Friday, February 1, 2013
God Knows
Good morning, readers :)
Within the past month, God has answered my prayers in an unexpected way, and I would like to share!
I have realized that God really knows who we are. He even listens to us when we aren't necessarily praying. God knows our thoughts and our desires. He knows what we want and need in life. God will provide for us, as long as we love Him, and it is according to His will.
Psalm 139: 1-5 "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me."
Next year I am living off campus. Money is really tight now in my family and I'm working as much as I can in order to prepare myself for next school year. I need pots and pans. I need a place to put my clothes into. I need a lamp. I need a car to do my student teaching. There are so many things I need in order to live off campus, and it's making me nervous because it is so expensive. God knows that I am worried about my plans for the summer and for the school year in the fall.
When you love God, God will provide. Out of the blue, I've been given so many things for next year. For instance, my mom randomly bought me one of the most expensive pot and pan sets (that lasts a LIFETIME!) for a super super cheap price. She also bought me a lot of baking supplies also for very cheap. I've also been offered their very nice bedroom set. Wait, what? I was stoked! I've never been so happy in my life about pans and furniture for my next home. And how was this possible? My family does not have the money right now to be buying new things. This is crazy! I'm so excited. Just as Matthew 19:26 says, "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'"
God will provide for us, even when we think it is not possible. But just as the book of Matthew says, things are impossible with man, but with God, all things are possible. Praise Him for being all powerful and all knowing, and for giving to those who love Him.
Romans 8:28 "And we know in that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Within the past month, God has answered my prayers in an unexpected way, and I would like to share!
I have realized that God really knows who we are. He even listens to us when we aren't necessarily praying. God knows our thoughts and our desires. He knows what we want and need in life. God will provide for us, as long as we love Him, and it is according to His will.
Psalm 139: 1-5 "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me."
Next year I am living off campus. Money is really tight now in my family and I'm working as much as I can in order to prepare myself for next school year. I need pots and pans. I need a place to put my clothes into. I need a lamp. I need a car to do my student teaching. There are so many things I need in order to live off campus, and it's making me nervous because it is so expensive. God knows that I am worried about my plans for the summer and for the school year in the fall.
When you love God, God will provide. Out of the blue, I've been given so many things for next year. For instance, my mom randomly bought me one of the most expensive pot and pan sets (that lasts a LIFETIME!) for a super super cheap price. She also bought me a lot of baking supplies also for very cheap. I've also been offered their very nice bedroom set. Wait, what? I was stoked! I've never been so happy in my life about pans and furniture for my next home. And how was this possible? My family does not have the money right now to be buying new things. This is crazy! I'm so excited. Just as Matthew 19:26 says, "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'"
God will provide for us, even when we think it is not possible. But just as the book of Matthew says, things are impossible with man, but with God, all things are possible. Praise Him for being all powerful and all knowing, and for giving to those who love Him.
Romans 8:28 "And we know in that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
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